Conversations with myself

I am supposed to meet my chess buddy again this weekend, however, I don't think that I am going to be able to make it. Chris started his new job and we are no longer proletariats :-) The girls are enjoying school so all is well on that end.

My mother and I are on speaking terms again. It appears that there was a misunderstanding. She felt as though I was mad at her because I hadn't called her. All of the BS was cleared away and all is well, for now. I still miss my little brother though. I wonder every day how he is doing and if he is safe. If I were a religious person I suppose I would pray for him, but I am not. So I keep him in my thoughts and hope for the best.

Tonight we will watch Mary Poppins and eat pizza. I am thankful that for the moment, I am happy.

Pawns and Queens

I went to meet my chess buddy at the Starbucks in Alhambra. He was such a nice guy. We played three games, and I smoked him the first two games. He was very embarrassed about what transpired. I was winning the third game as well, however, I concluded that if I won the final game, he might not want to play with me anymore. So I decided to let him win. I allowed him to take my queen to boost his morale. Needless to say, once the game was over he was very elated. I gave him a high five and we agreed to call it a day.

Until next time.

Ordinary day

I feel pretty bad because I didn't exercise yesterday or today. Instead I made barbeque ribs, mashed potatoes and stuffed my face. So much for getting in shape for the summer! Hopefully tomorrow I can get back into the groove.

I may have found a person to play chess with me on a regular basis. My friend Cat says that chess players are nerdy, control freaks. She is on the money on that one.

In a few minutes, I will be off to bed. Hopefully I will wake up to the sound of rain and the scent of wet concrete.

An Historic Moment

I woke up early this morning to watch history in the making. Watching the Chief Justice swear in Barack Obama as president of the United States was both exciting, and amazing! I never imagined that an African American person would win the presidency in an age of fundamentalist Christian weirdos. However, here we are and I am hopeful that the future will be filled with promise.

Now as for Michelle Obama, she looked absolutely stunning in her elegant, Isabel Toledo outfit! Wow! It's great to see a brilliant, stylish woman in the White House. As for Joe Biden's wife, she should have left the go-go boots at home.

I had a great day! I made ceviche and we ate till our tummies were full. Later, I bought a beautiful navy-blue chiffon shirt. I can't wait to wear it!

Oh, and Chris made his delicious meatballs again! Yummy!!

Chess and Ice Cream

Today I enjoyed a double scoop of ice cream from Rite Aid: Chocolate Malted Crunch and Cherry Chocolate Chip. I remember when I was a little girl, my dad would take my siblings and I to buy ice cream at Thrifty during the summer months. For the price they charge now for one scoop I was able to get 3 scoops! Ahh, how times change.

I decided to join the chess club in my city because playing chess with Chris is no fun. I will more than likely be the only young female there. I am ready to get my butt whooped by old men. I hope to improve my chess skills, and hopefully learn some new moves. We will see how it goes tomorrow!

Oh, and note to self, I will never go to the Weinerschnitzel by my place because the workers are super ghetto.

Beneath the sun

We went to the park today. As I walked around, I listened to the wind as it moved swiftly thorough the trees. The grass was adorned with beautiful red leaves that had fallen from the trees. For a while I sat on the grass beneath a venerable tree, thankful that I could experience nature and its beauty. I watched the girls as they rode their bikes without a care in the world. They were smiling and laughing. There was a father and son flying their kites, and children running through the grass. I looked at flowers, and touched the rocks that sparkled in the sunlight.

I am in love with the simple things.

Lethargy

I was very tired today. I spent my day watching Nova on PBS (Arctic Passage: Ice Survivor), watching Philip Zimbardo lectures on youtube, and had a picnic in the living room with the girls. I could have gone hiking today, but didn't really have the energy to do so. Sometimes I find inactivity very desirable. It is not always necessary for me to be on the go. I don't return to work until Wednesday, so there will be plenty of opportunities to explore, and step out of my home. The girls kept me busy, and I truly enjoyed watching them play. I enjoy my moments of quiet and relaxation. My mind has the tendency to run marathons, therefore respite is required from time to time.

Chris came back from riding his dirt bike about a half hour ago. What that means is that he has arrived just in time to watch America's Most Wanted with me.

Pali Literature

A man conquered by anger is in a mass of darkness.
He takes pleasure in bad deeds as if they were good,
but later, when his anger is gone,
he suffers as if burned with fire.
He is spoiled, blotted out,
like fire enveloped in smoke.

Memories

What is the purpose of preserving memories? I suppose that in my own life, I have indulged in them quite frequently. They have been the source of my artistic expression, and have influenced the way that I express myself through writing. However, I understand that this can be a dangerous endeavor. There have been times when re-visiting the past has caused me tremendous suffering. Currently, I am trying to focus on my current state. I am learning, with great difficulty, how to let go of the past. Simply put, attachments lead to suffering. I am breaking away from the past, slowly. I am trying my best to be aware of my thoughts.

Mindfulness

So high the climb...

The journey to the top is always full of mystery, surprises and sometimes danger. I carry a large branch with me at all times so that I can protect myself from any would be attackers, or prod "things" on my way up to the top. Once I reach the top, I feel triumphant. However, this feeling quickly dissipates as I realize that there are still so many mountains left to climb and experience. There are times when I am weary, but knowing that there is always another mountain motivates me to keep climbing.

Ode to the radish

I have been thinking about you for the past few days
needing you
wanting to put your crunchy body in my mouth
devouring you compulsively
you entice me,
as you bathe in lemon and salt
appearing sinful at first glance,
but underneath your devilish exterior
lies a pure, virginal center
you are amazing,
delicious
the root of all evil
you are hypnotic
I want to bite you
and wash away all of your outer impurities
thank you for being there
beautiful one

Shedding unnecessary layers

Jumper

Oh, to be a kid again. While we were at the park, I came across a cute little guy with a very free spirit. He said that he was going to jump off of his swing and catch mad air. I told him that he would probably get hurt. He said, "no I won't... I do this all of the time." So I dared him, "do it then!" This is the end result:



Meanwhile, I fear that if I jump I will break a limb :-(