Jargon

It's been a long while since I have last written. I have been extremely busy with the Autism walk, PTA stuff, and my family. It appears as though I have finally cleared my head of the illusions that were beginning to hinder my ability to concentrate. It has proven to be a difficult task, but staying in the now has helped to remain centered. Though many of the things that I am currently involved with may be considered banal, I appreciate them nonetheless.

I am currently sick with the flu, and was paranoid that I had caught the swine flu. However, after consulting with my physician, it was ruled out. Being the hypochondriac that I am, I had to be sure. I purchased my first lotto ticket today. Chris thinks I am nuts for thinking that I have a chance. I reasoned that my .0000000000000001% chance is still greater than his 0% chance (since he does not play). He went on to say that IF I did win he wanted a game room where he can geek it up with PS3 stuff. Of course, should I win, I will be opening up a Swiss bank account. I'm kidding, maybe.

So I seriously need to get my butt in gear and start applying for grad school. I have said this every year since I graduated in 2003. I have just been really enjoying my free time, and experiencing life in the raw. As an action item, I need to decide whether or not I want to go to law school or psych grad school. I will contemplate this as I paint...

Thursday

Morg and I went to the doctor's office to have her TB results read. All went well and she even received a glow-in-the dark dinosaur sticker from the nurse. Later in the afternoon, Ayva and I went to Story time at the library. We had a blast, hearing Mr. Pedro read books and sing songs with the kiddos. Then I headed off to the spa to get my manicure and pedicure. When Chris arrived home, and after we had dinner, he and I went to the driving range. That's about it! I am so glad that it is almost Friday!

State of Exhaustion

The past few days I have been extremely busy! Friday I spent the day thrift shopping with my mom. I found the most beautiful things to adorn my living room with. I also found a very nice tea set. Saturday we headed out for breakfast and I had the most delicious Belgian waffles. After breakfast, we spent the day at Knott's Berry Farm. We all had a great time. Then Sunday morning, the girls opened up their baskets and their faces lit up with joy. In the afternoon we had a Alice in Wonderland themed tea party. Overall, it was an amazing few days. I am still recovering.

Grandma Nana is in the hospital. We went to visit her yesterday and today. I hope that she gets better soon. I hate to see her in so much pain.

Luis called me today. It was so wonderful to hear his voice. He is doing well and he is still as hilarious as ever! I just love that guy. He is one of the nicest friends I have. We agreed to get together soon.

Now I am off to bed. I am exhausted. Tomorrow I am taking Morgan to get her TB shot. Ay ay ay!!

Bread and butterflies

I had such a great time today. In the morning I went with Morgan to go "walking with Mr. Walker." Later, I went to do my volunteer work in the classroom, and had tons of fun with the kiddos. At noon, Ayva and I went to the library for "Story Time." I spent the remainder of the afternoon planning the Mad Tea Party for Sunday. Whew, I'm exhausted.

Of cabages and kings

Today I stumbled upon the most interesting quote.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” ~Neil Gaimen

Interesting because I have felt this way, and was unable to put into words such visceral emotions. Love as I have often stated before, is complete and utter insanity. I see it every day, people living as though they were in fog. Blind really, to the reality of their situation. Turning a blind eye towards an unfaithful partner, putting up with abuse (both physical and verbal), and sacrificing their own happiness for the sake of their partner. I have been part of this group. Always looking for the good in a person, trying to change someone into somebody they are not. Living in the future, hoping that someday things will be different. Feeling the pain and disappointment when you finally realize that what you loved was always an illusion. Oh yes, I have felt this anger towards the vulnerability that results when you "let someone in" and believe in them. Currently, I am ambivalent towards love. Having love is great, but I believe that I would be okay without it.

Guns or butter?

Holding this left me teary eyed :-)


Well, today was an awesome day. This week left me drained both physically and emotionally. I was in dire need of a cathartic activity. It follows that Ashley and I would head out to the shooting range today. Of course, I had to do all of my laundry before going, hahaha! We shot the 9mm and 40 caliber. I felt so much better after! I just adore Ashley. She is such a funny and kind friend. Now that we live so close to each other, we will be able to hang out more often. She mentioned that she and Craig were going to try to start a family in July. They are currently looking for houses. I'm so excited for her.

When I got home, we all headed out to visit Grandma Nana. Overall, today was a good day!

...

I am absolutely exhausted this week. It seems as though it passed in the blink of an eye. I find it hard to believe that my last entry was last Saturday. This week has really made me think about how time evaporates before our eyes. I know that I am getting older because my friends are all worried about their health, marital relationships etc. I talked to one friend who was having a myriad of tests done to determine whether or not he has a serious illness. Then my brother went to the doctor this week complaining of excruciating headaches, paranoid that he might have a tumor. I am also concerned about my own health these days. I need to go in and have a breast exam to assuage any fears of possible breast cancer, as it has negatively effected members of my family. I do my part to exercise and eat healthy but I know that chance also plays a huge role in determining my fate. Therefore, this week has been a bit somber.

Two days ago my friend texted me to tell me that her live-in boyfriend was receiving texts from another woman. My advice was for her to investigate further to determine whether or not her boyfriend was being unfaithful. She said that she would rather not know. I suppose she believes that ignorance is bliss, and perhaps it is. I know that sometimes things are not always as they appear. Love is so strange to me. Completely irrational and insane.

Today I met the most amazing child. He was so interesting, kind and beautiful. I spent my day with him on what was supposed to be my day off. He was happy with the simplest things and exuded joy at every moment. This feeling is what we lose as adults sometimes and have to be mindful to experience on a daily basis. The day ended with me giving him a Pokemon coin. He was elated.


When I got home I helped the girls with their homework, read them books, and then watched The Wizard of Oz with them. The night ended with me arguing with Chris...talk about a buzz kill. Sometimes I wonder if we share the same vision.

Next, I sleep perchance to dream...