A need for transparency

A feeling of restlessness came over me today. My mind began searching for an explanation as to why my creativity has dissipated. For several months, I didn't really think too much about my lack of interest in the things I once loved to do. And then I thought, "what the hell is happening to me?!" I spend a great deal of time playing on my virtual farm, and tending to the needs of my children. I have no qualms about the latter, but I find that my desire to play my farming game is rooted in something that needs to be fully understood. So I sat there on the couch today and I examined my motivations. I came to the conclusion that for these past few months my mind needed to rest, to lose itself in things that are frivolous. I needed to escape my over-analytical self, and escape the heaviness of reality. I needed to remain in a mentally vegetative state, so to speak.

Today I told myself that I have had enough. I accepted that my situation needs to change. It was what I needed before, but is no longer needed now. The desire to paint and write has returned once again. I thought about burning my journals, and starting over. I need to be the person I was meant to be. I need to stop running from myself. Most importantly, I need to believe that I am able to share my soul with others through writing and art.