Off the coast

We spent the day on a boat along the Orange County Coastline hoping to see a whale. This time around we were not fortunate enough to see any whales, but we did see dolphins and sea lions. It was such an amazing experience to be out in the ocean observing these amazing animals in their natural environment. Feeling the wind blow through my hair, while meditating on the boat's undulations, was enough to leave me awestruck. The vastness of the ocean was intimidating, and poetic. Watching the dolphins frolicking around the boat was amazing. They seemed so carefree and curious. The sea lions were also intriguing. They appeared comfortable and peaceful, as they sat on the buoy. Toward the end of the trip I began to feel a bit nauseous, so I was glad when I was able to return to land. Afterward we grabbed some pizza, funnel cake and cotton candy, before heading home. It was such an awesome day!

Now

I woke up early today to walk Morg to school. I feel so fortunate to be able to experience this morning ritual. I know that she feels just as happy as I do when we walk hand in hand to her class. She is so amazing and kind-hearted. I love her more than anything in the world. I dropped her off, then returned to her class an hour later to do my volunteer work. I absolutely love being around children. The happiness they exude never fails to brighten my day.

When I got home, I helped my chatita with her lessons, and later gave her a bath. Since it was such a beautiful day, I decided that we would have our lunch at the park across the street. I made sandwiches, and packed other goodies to take. The warm sunshine embraced me, as I watched a monarch butterfly move gracefully through the trees. I listened intently to the sound of children laughing, and watched as a kite flew freely in the sky. I was overflowing with joy to be able to experience all of these things. I realize now more than ever how incredibly fortunate I am to be alive.

Later, I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. When we were finished eating, Chris and I went to the driving range. It was my first time, and I must say that I truly enjoyed the experience. I will definitely go again soon. Ashley sent me a text to let me know that she and I would be going to the shooting range upon her return from Chicago. I can't wait!

In a Nutshell

I woke up in the early morning hours feeling as though I was choking. I sat up in my bed and coughed repeatedly, attempting to dislodge whatever I believed at the time was in my throat. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I would experience this frequently in my youth. I always feel terrified when I have these nightmares and somatic complaints. I'm not sure what is causing the recurrence of this problem. Years ago I had discussed this very issue with a psychotherapist friend of mine. She mentioned to me that what I was experiencing was a result of repressed thoughts that I wanted to express to someone. Back then that person was my dad. Once I expressed my feelings to him, the nightmares receded back from whence they came. However, here I am now with an old situation presenting itself again. I am not sure what is nourishing this feeling. I have also been waking up with a feeling of death. I definitely feel that my unconscious is in over-drive right now. I'm not sure what to attribute this all to. I went to a wake on Sunday evening so perhaps that has something to do with it.

I really enjoyed my day (with the exception of the aforementioned). I spent time at the library and attended a PTA meeting. I sat outside in my backyard drinking tea and reading "Still the Mind" by Alan Watts. The weather was amazing. I am really looking forward to summer.

Silence

Today I'm in a grumpy mood. I just want to sit in my room and read.

yowsers!!!

I MUST have this!!

Paradise

I went to the library this week and felt as though I were in paradise. I wanted to find "The Black Hand" by Chris Blatchford. My brother read it and said it was a graphic, interesting story. It is about a man named Rene "Boxer" Enriquez that defected from the Mexican Mafia. I have always been fascinated by sociopaths, and the intelligence that they waste on committing crime. I have watched his interviews and am surprised at how incredibly eloquent he is. I am looking forward to reading the book and gaining some insight into his world.

For now, I am busy reading "The Essential Alan Watts." I started reading it yesterday and am on the last chapter. What a brilliant human being. I understand his philosophy on life, and admire his courage to be true to himself. He couldn't care less what people thought about him. He lived his life to the fullest. How wonderful it is for someone to enjoy their life without feeling that they need to be sinless and perfect. What fun is that? We all wear masks, we are different things to different people, and that makes life more interesting. Watts spent his days "playing," and I strive to do much of the same.

From the archives

When I was in 7th grade my friend Jessica Pena and I decided to ditch school. We went to her house and ate snacks, watched TV and talked about random stuff. When it was time for lunch, we decided that we were going to eat pizza. Jessica found several half dollars and "2" dollar bills in one of her mother's drawers. We used the money to order pizza. When the school day was over, I walked home. That night my parent's received a phone call form Jessica's mother. She informed my parents that I had not gone to school, and had instead spent the day at her house. It appears that when she returned home from work and saw that her drawer had been rummaged through, she assumed that someone had broken into her house. Jessica had ended up spilling the beans because her mom was going to call the police.

We were both grounded for a week.

My love for acrylic

I finished this piece about two weeks ago. Although it is a painting of Alan Watts, when I look at it, it reminds me of my dad. Maybe it's the big nose, ha!

Secret Garden

Today we headed out to Wal Mart to purchase gardening supplies. I bought several flower and vegetable plants to cultivate in our backyard. I have always wanted to create a secret garden and now I finally have the opportunity to do so. There is still so much more that I need in order to create a beautiful masterpiece in my yard.

We will see how my idea pans out :-) To be continued....

Archeologist of the Soul

I have spent many weeks excavating through the rubble in my mind. It appears that this is my favorite thing to do as I get older. It has been a while since I have written, yet I have no regrets. At times it is best to keep my thoughts private.

So many changes have occurred. I am living in a new city, and finally have a room in the house designated primarily for painting and reading. Life is pretty good right now. However, I do not take life for granted, because I know how unpredictable it can be. I am enjoying life at this very moment.

Professor Danow mailed me pictures of his trip to colonial Mexico. I admire his sense of adventure, brilliance and compassionate heart. I have a painting for him that I will be sending some time this week. I am very fortunate to have met such an amazing human being.